You’re So Vain-kinda sorta

As the grocery store muzak effortlessly segued from detergent specials to this Carly Simon “classic,” I knew I had my next candidate for the crypt.

This won’t take long. It’s the same problem I’ve always had with this song.

Musically, there’s not much to get overjoyed or exorcised about-it’s bouncy. But those lyrics? First of all, credit for this:

“But you gave away the things you loved
And one of them was me
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee
Clouds in my coffee…”

Ok. But, there’s the central conundrum of the repeating hook:

“…And all the girls dreamed that they’d be your partner
They’d be your partner, and

You’re so vain
You probably think this song is about you
You’re so vain
I’ll bet you think this song is about you
Don’t you? Don’t you?”

Well, it is about him, isn’t it? If it’s not, it’s about somebody else, but you did write this song about HIM (or THEM, if the composite story is true). And all the girls are dreaming about HIM, aren’t they? So, the lyrics should reasonably say:

You’re so smart,
you probly know this song is about you.

As a “you dumped me you jerk and I’m so over you song,” it fails miserably. As an “I’d like to show you how over you I am but the subtext says otherwise” song, it’s a bulls-eye.

So, as this entry lurches to a close, I’m thinking purgatory would be a more appropriate fate than the Crypt. And I ask you, what better purgatory is there than Muzak?